How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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