Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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