summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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