smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
