i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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