I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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