Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
