I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
