I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
