it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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