What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
