I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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