The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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