you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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