omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
