Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize