Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know her cup size but not her name....
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
