What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
