I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
