Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Can Purell be used as lube?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
