Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
