Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
