Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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