At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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