I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
