you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize