So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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