I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
