YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
