my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize