I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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