So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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