Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
