I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
