My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
