you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
