I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's the barista slut.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
