One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
