you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
