my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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