Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
