This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
