He passed out mid-signature
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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