OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
