hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
