what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
