Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
