There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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