i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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