I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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