I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
