Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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