I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
