You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is Oprah even human
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
