You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
