i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
