At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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