He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
foreskin is a definite game changer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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