i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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