Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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