I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
