I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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