I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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