I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
operation have a gay friend backfired
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize