I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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