I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
