you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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