I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was like eating out sand paper
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
