I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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