if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
