You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
