Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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