He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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