Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
