I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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