1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
