I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
