I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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