the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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