i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize