We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
