operation harelip BJ is a go
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
