If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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