I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
