no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
