Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
