Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
