if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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