Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
