I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
