after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
