We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
